Renew

Reach out to the past,
try to fix this broken thing.
We knew it couldn't last;
cry out, screaming, let it ring.
There was no way out,
but now we're out,
with nowhere to go.

Walk through the only open door I see,
close it behind you, only dark left here for me.
No one to hold a light, bright by my side,
This dark is proof of all your lies.
Hold my hand.
Let me know it will be..
ALRIGHT.
Shed your tears for me at the end of the fight.

You can't bring me back from this.
No hope, not even in your kiss.
These broken chains still manage to bind,
here's to hoping they lock around my mind.

I cannot let this sickness keep bleeding through,
the last person I want to have this is you.
And though this bile comes from your lips,
I'm the one who's stuck in it, the one who slips.

One step from the chair to freedom,
short drop, sudden stop. We are LEGION.


Alone.

One More Gone

Ive lost so many people lately,
I start to wonder if i'm not the one who is lost.
My voice breaks, heart shatters,
the last bits of me fallen in tatters.
There is no picking up these pieces,
there is no love to save me from this.
Always watched, what is this smile?
Who does it belong to? Not me.

Like Trent said:
I can't remember how this got started,
but I can tell you exactly how it will end.

~J.A.D

One Day, I Walked Into A Deli.

To stand fast in the face of death
is to live free; without fear.
A dying man who is not free will
bargain for his life. But,
a free man will give his life
to stay free. There is no greater truth,
no argument against this fact.

Freedom isn't free.
Death is not a death sentence: LIFE is.


~J.A.D

Silent Consent

Ever prying eyes:
gazing past the ice in my glass.
Always watching, waiting for the slip.

Eternally ready, spring loaded
and ready to pounce.
A thousand tons of pain and consequence
attached to those ever prying eyes.

The ice melts as I hide from them,
diluting my only escape.
Glass empty, I turn out the light
only to feel them watching. Waiting.



~J.A.D

Paradigm

My thoughts and feelings have been so in motion as of late. Truly a problem for me as a writer. I do my best work when I am mired in the middle of some sort of emotional hurricane, and recently I have found my life rather devoid of complication. A hurrah is in order I suppose, but of course even admitting this aloud has most likely inspired the universe to send some sort of nonsense my way. I only hope I think to write during it. But until then, I'll do my best.

End of Days

Empty places full of empty people
bowing down in praise.
Mechanic god, plastic steeple;
just the latest craze.

IV solution for your internal pollution:
Jesus in your veins.
Try to strengthen your constitution
by causing yourself pain.

I can hear them in the darkness
trying so hard to find their way.
I'm not sure just how to spark this,
but when I do, when I figure this out,
the world will explode that day.


~J.A.D

Blood Loss

You have nothing left to lose
but that which I have given.
There is nothing but to choose
just which life you want to live in.

Feel it draining out of you,
like blood from an open wound.
Crying crimson you come unglued.

Polar

I fond myself in the same old place,
wondering where i'm going wrong.
You're finding answers in a world I fear,
while i'm finding out i'm not that strong.

You come back in like a hot wind,
burning but it feels so goddamn good.
And then the ice starts creeping out from inside,
just like I always knew it would.

You break apart my disposition,
chipping away at all i've built.
I put myself in this position...
So how do I not feel this guilt?


~J.A.D

It's been a while...

I've been going through some shit.. so i've been gone. I lost my voice for a while here, but someone special brought me back.

These next posts are dedicated to you, and you know who you are.

For M.

Colorless

Walking asleep, everything grey to my eyes.
There is no color here, not even in the skies.
We are trapped here in this distortion,
I wish I could be free of this.

Tear me open and see what's inside.
Let it sink in that you have been deprived.
That golden moment of triumph over me
was lost to you the moment you gave in.

You've made me holy with your obsession,
pulled me into your darkened dreams.
Sanctify this proof of my recession,
bleed your apology into my screams.

~J.A.D

Daily Double

So i've spent all day playing around with some new software, arranging some pieces that I like my prose set to... Just having a little fun for once. Thank god. But as you know, there will always come another reason to fill this page with soil and dust and ash, so have no fear. I'll have at least one more for you by the end of the night.

Circle

I am friends with the broken bottles,
the plastic bag in the tree.
If this dust does ever settle,
it'll be just them and me.

Forgotten by all you people,
because you didn't have the time.
Let slip from your mind like a passing thought,
now I'm left here for you to find.

How do you always take it away?
It feels so good until I hear you say
that things can't really be this way.
Not tomorrow, not today.

Every time is never all over again.


~J.A.D

Verse

When you're sitting with that razor in your hand,
you get to see if you are or aren't a man.
When it hits that glass you see your past,
you're lost again; you're only trash.
You know you never had a plan.
You're all alone again.


~J.A.D

Breathe

I see your plan, I've seen your eyes.
I think that once I had a choice.
Now that I am here, I can't disguise
my surrender to you because you free my voice.

~J.A.D

Time

Your smile, softer than a cold wind
teaches me about happiness.
In that cold I find my warmth.
Sunshine for me, given by you
and never lost to time.
I will be forever in your debt.


~J.A.D

Back Again

Been a strange few days... Poetry bleeding to prose into lyrics. I've spent a lot of time alone recently, which can be hard. Not feeling great lately, but I hope it passes soon. Anyways, here are some new pieces.

Sorry I Haven't Posted In A While

So it has been a few days. Dark for me, but I hope better for all of you. I know that I have been lax in posting, but there are a few new ones up for you now, and I hope you enjoy. Have a great day, folks.

Sensory

this whisper quiet word

this neatly tied bow

it's all for you

enjoy the show

black and white life

built for us

we without color

grey inside and out

feel the pulse

feel your nothing

feel mine

~J.A.D

Snake

Every time you ask,
you ask like it is nothing.
I'm drowning in your sickness,
and you instead would have me bask.

Beck and call, this leash is getting tighter.
After all this,  I'm not so sure I am a fighter.

I cant let go for fear of what I'd do.


~J.A.D

Tracks

Angels everywhere; you can hear them.
Burning wings and ashen souls,
pulling, ripping, tearing.
They are here for you, for me, for us.
They are fear and they are in your veins.
You don't see them, but they've seen you.
Run. They crave the chase.

~J.A.D

Show Me

Where are you?
They said find you; you can save me.
These rooms are empty, afraid of truth
and leave me lonely.
You make this all go away.
But really, you put it there.
Show me who to be.


~J.A.D

Seconds

You were there when there were no hands to hold,
and no hope of rising above the waves.
Just before I was taken by the cold,
by your warm smile I was saved.

I wouldn't be here without you.


For Margot.


~J.A.D

What should I think?

So I want this blog to become something for myself. An outlet for me and also a way to let others into me. I write and I love doing it, but who is really reading these? If you are, thank you. But I don't expect you to. I'd love for you to follow and share. And I hope you like my work. Someone... anyone? Are you there?

Not For You

My lust goes too far. My frame is
too skewed and no one seems to step inside it.
There is no truth. There are no morals.
Only ecstasy in excess.

~J.A.D

Tar

Suck it in deep and fill your self with
the sticky sweet nectar of lust.
Let the sickly sweetness choke you until
your vision blurs and fades. Choke on the muck,
thick, losing your words.
Drowning... drowning.
As the lone black rivulet escapes your lips,
your breath releases you.
You are beautiful at last.

~J.A.D

Real Human Being

There is a song I once heard, that I was scared to hear.
Come in with me and dance, let me show you what it's like.
I want to tell you something you don't want to hear.
Alone in this packed room, surrounded by the swirling raging quiet.

The devil is here with us. Watching us sin and moving his pawns.
I want to tell you something you don't want to hear.
This shifting heat will leave us hollow and wanting,
Burning through us like the flame you've always looked for.

Find love in a late night pay phone confession. Bare your soul.


~J.A.D

Safety

Everything is fine.
You ask like something bad has happened.
Did I miss it? No, I suppose I didn't.
Everything is fine.
I'm alive at last, and I'm full of joy!
Can you hear the music? I can.
Please... Won't you let me let you down?

~J.A.D

Untitled 6 (Wool)

iloveyouiloveyouiloveyoukillmeiloveyouiloveyouiloveyoukillmeiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou

~J.A.D

My Pill

There is no sight, no sound.
There is no way to fly with what you've found.
Swallow your hollow, your prescription bliss,
Only to find that in the end you are drowning.

~J.A.D

Pig

Can you feel it rotting deep inside?
Those lost pieces, desperation reaching out.
Watch the darkness quickly closing in,

the devils darkness and his slowly fading grin.

~J.A.D

4:09

I fucked up. I cant even handle my own downward spiral. This slow moving train wreck is coming to a halt ladies and gentleman. On your left, you can see the ruins of old Buffalo, and on the right you can see where we all go once we dont have meaning. Most of you will be getting off here. Please have your tickets ready to be checked by Charon.

~J.A.D

Tired.

I'm gonna sign off for a bit. Going to wander the city for inspiration in the gloom. Ciao.

Tailing

so many people
so few of us here

am i really here?

the drums are getting
LOUDER.

heartbeat? not mine. theirs.
following. chasing.
ENDURING.

help me hide from them.
i am them.

this is my heart.


~J.A.D

Untitled 5 (Self Titled)

I am your sullen lonely Christ,
your forgotten child.
Left starving in the face of excess;
yours is my cross to bear.

Do not love me.



~J.A.D

New Jack

Empty city, empty you, empty me.
Full of hate and love, lust and fear.
We fall apart:
Hollow.

Hollow city, hollow you, hollow me.

~J.A.D

Untitled 4 (Repeater)

I am yours to take;
Your lamb, your final light.

This is the end, the night.
Break me and use my willing heart.

Don't let the fire burn out.

~J.A.D

What If It Rains

It's overcast here in Buffalo today. I wanted rain. Rain cleans everything for us, brings us peace and washes away the previous day. It leaves the old, just a little less dusty and the new brightly sparkling. Who would've thought something so simple was capable of putting a shine on our big pile of shit. But there is no rain. What if there were? What would you let flow through your hands and be released from you?

~J.A.D

Untitled 3 (The Grey)

Sail away again without me.
I will be here on the shore,
waiting for you.

In time your memory of me will fade,
as still I stand and wait.
My face will slip away, the sound of my voice.
And then, nothing left, nothing but me waiting on the shore.

I am nothing again.
But still I wait.
I will wait forever.
Forever and never again.

~J.A.D

Untitled 2 (Vacuum)

Blood is nothing when there is no soul to bleed;
your sacrifice is empty of all but your greed.
We are left alone forgotten, eyes bright in the dark.
But fear not the darkness, for within lies
your heart.

~J.A.D

Shatter

Splinters of my sanity
are buried deep inside my mind.
Cutting burning bleeding.
Every day I greet the sunrise, golden tears,
dreading what in this day I will find.
My soul, this hole, is left behind.

~J.A.D

Untitled 1 (Coma)

Hey all, even though I'm sure theres nobody even here yet. I'm Josh and you probably ended up here because you had nothing left to read on the internet. As I move forward with this blog, it will become more and more involved. Anyone that is interested, please feel free to help it along.

So without further adieu, the first piece of this blog.

Untitled 1 (Coma)

There is no saying no,
nowhere to run and hide.
Only to let this feeling grow,
and shrink away inside.

Let me steal you far away,
take everything you have.
I promise you'll come back from this..
My honest word in ashes.

Pull you down off the cross
and anoint the traitors eyes.
They are yours and mine;
These coins are worthless.

Submit to it: no hope in sight,
except that brightly gleaming light.
Walk. GO. And wait for me there.

Fear the end, even though it welcomes you.

~J.A.D